He doesn't know how he feels

My husband no longer knows what he is feeling

Hello to each other,

I just don’t know what to do next, or what to feel. I'm totally upside down.
My husband (31) and I (25) would have been married for four years at the end of this year, have been a couple for five years and have a three-year-old daughter.
While I generally always carried my heart on my tongue, my husband always eats everything in and is silent. We've had a lot of stress in the last few weeks, everything possible, family, kindergarten, he has his psychological stress from his childhood and so do I.
He's always been like that when there was an argument, he completely ignored me, stopped talking and pretended I wasn't there. This kept creating tension between us. He's very stubborn and stubborn, I'm rather explosive and a bitch (you can still talk to me sensibly then). And since it cracks between us every now and then, because he really always sees everything as a criticism or as a reproach, no matter how you put it, or has to say that this is guaranteed not to be a criticism of him in order to make him feel my feelings and to communicate again. There were often misunderstandings because he immediately saw everything as criticism. I have so often suggested in quiet moments that we take a fixed time in the evening to talk about our relationship: e.g. how who saw what, how he thought what was good and what was stupid. He never wanted to. He always said he saw no need in it.

We always said to each other every day how much we love each other and he kept telling me how happy he was with me and that he would hold on to our marriage (if something like that happened in a film, series or family) and would want to save her.

Now we have had a lot of stress the last few weeks and we both went on the gums, both went up quickly and both bothered us.

On Sunday I mentioned something that I thought was stupid and I am of the opinion that we might both try to change it again (It was about S., we actually have a lot and regularly, we both thought that was stupid the last few weeks and both wanted that to change). It was immediately misunderstood, immediately went up and so did I, whereupon he said he was no longer interested in me, that left me totally speechless and I asked whether it was me or someone else who was interested He said: Yes, I think so.
I found that hard, it hurt me so much that I thought it was more of a reason for separation.
He immediately reversed his statement that he had never said that like that, I meant, after all, I was just here. He ran away angrily (he often runs away for several hours, I have no idea where he is, he won't talk to me anyway).

He's friends with my older sister, and he's been talking to her about us for days, including right after the matter. He put it completely differently, suddenly there were words on my part that I never said and of course he was the poor victim, as always. Suddenly it is said that I am to blame for everything, that I only make mistakes, that I only criticize and make accusations. In general, I have to be careful what I say the whole time, because he understands everything wrong or it was completely different, according to his statement.

He could never talk to me, I would never let him talk, which is utter nonsense. I have to pull everything out of his nose, or run after him, that he should finally tell me what's going on now and he always says it's nothing. I listen to him all the time, about everything. I'm always there for him, always, only he never really for me, only when he feels like it. Otherwise I always deal with him, support him in everything, encourage him. I had to put myself on the back burner in the relationship, had to give up so much when our daughter was born, so that he could get through his studies, he could achieve what he set out to do and I had to look after our child 24/7. Had to quit my job because our daughter had severe sleep disorders until recently and is also delayed in development, it was and still is very difficult. He said I can rely on him so that I can finally catch up with my Abitur. That he supports me as much as I supports him.

And now it is said that he no longer knows whether he loves me, whether I am still his partner, he will decide all of this in time. In between, when I said that this is incredibly hard for me, I don't understand why he just doesn't even talk to me, but he doesn't want that. I'm supposed to shut up, he doesn't want to hear my voice. He says to my sister, everything belongs to him here, I should just watch where I stay with our daughter. He's not to blame, he'd make mistakes, he'd see it, but he never did. He tells her something like that, and when she says that she has now also noticed something and it is not entirely true how he portrays it, then he wipes it off or ignores it entirely. He told her he wanted to make me suffer so that I could learn from it. I would be responsible for his overweight and high blood pressure, that he feels sick all the time and doesn't get better (he only drinks sugary things, smokes like crazy).

In the morning he said to me, if he wants to build up a friendly relationship with me again first, relationship maybe afterwards, I said to him that we are married, that we have to work properly if at all, he says no, It's me who bears all the blame, he's going away for a few days, during which time I have to deal with the bran on my own, he doesn't want anything to do with it, he has to think about everything get clear.

But when I told him earlier that I had suggested so often that he should work on the relationship, even if everything was going well, and you had to talk to each other regularly, it was said that he just didn't feel like it and doesn't see something like that either, it just has to work or not at all.

I love him so much, I just routine, I don't know what to do with myself, it hurts so much. I've just been crying for days and it's getting worse and worse. He also said to me this morning, with total contempt, that I should just find someone else. I just wanted to work on the marriage, but he never really wanted to. He just persuades me that I am completely alone to blame for everything, only me and I have to live with it now that I have done everything wrong and broken. I just can't breathe anymore, my heart hurts so bad

03.09.2019 09:57 • #1