How to escape the lower portal trap
7 simple tips to finally get out of the friend zone
This article revolves around the topic of “Friendzone”: why you're in it, how to get out, and how to make sure you never get in again.
A story: When you're in the friend zone
If you don't feel like reading this painful and accessible story, with my permission you can skip it and move on to the next paragraph. 😉
Our coach Patrick was then 16 years old and his social life consisted mostly of a friend, let's call him Alpha Alex, with whom he played Fifa every weekend and drank beer. He spent the rest of his time reading fantasy novels and computer games.
One day he received a message on a chat page from a girl who was going to the same school as him. Let's get this adorable ladyFriendzone Franzi call. They chatted and hit it off right away.
She invited him over for a few drinks. He agreed and of course brought his buddy Alpha Alex with him. Why did he do that? Does the cuckoo know ...
What followed was a period of several months during which he saw her weekly. They had fun, watched movies, hung out, and went out a lot. It was the first girl he went out with and he was, of course, accordingly fond of her.
He was convinced she liked him. After all, they had so much fun together and why else would she go out with him so often? She even touched him sometimes! The magic moment hadn't come yet, but it probably wouldn't be long, he told himself.
On New Year's Eve 2003 burned a scar in his soul. The first piece of his innocence was torn out of him and danced around in dirty boots.
They celebrated in Friendzone Franzi's apartment. Her sister was there too and Patrick brought Alpha Alex with him (again). Alpha Alex had much less contact with Friendzone Franzi than he did, but he knew that they would one day be had met without himwhen Patrick was sick once.
Suddenly her sister said:
"Well, I don't know what happened the last few times Alpha Alex slept here, but they made quite a bit of noise."
At that moment Patrick's heart slipped into his pants.
Of course he didn't show it and put on his best poker face, but 15 minutes later he took Franzi aside and asked very excitedly: "What is that between you and Alex?"
She told him that Alpha was Alex and she Had sex and that they somehow are together. She added that she rather than Patrick good friend sees.
That was the first time in his life that he had been about a girl felt like a bunch of shit. He couldn't understand it. Alpha Alex was a jaded player and Patrick had so much fun with her ...
When he got home he received a message from her: "I think it's better if we don't see each other for a while.“
While he was at home alone for two months, Franzi became Banged by Alex every day.
Yes, that's how it is when you are deep in the friend zone.
Nice guys finish last
Unfortunately, it took Patrick a few years to understand what he was doing wrong.
A big misbelief that too many Nice guys have is:
If I love a woman, be nice to her and do anything for her, then in the end she will love me.
What more could a woman want! Do you think so too?
Then bro ... you're officially suffering from that Nice guy syndrome.
Not only men believe this. Women also have this rational belief:
"I just want a nice and sweet guy who is there for me."
But attractiveness is not the result of rationality.
It arises on an emotional level.
That's why women often like assholes and pats on the shoulder of nice guys they have befriended:
"You are so good-looking and nice, you will make someone really happy."
Have you heard that before? Ouch!
In Western Europe it is often the case that children are raised under the influence of the mother rather than that of the father.
Young men, for example, lack education on how to talk to women, and they adopt the romantic Prince Charming manner that they learn from their mothers or from films.
“You have to treat a woman well and with respect. Be nice to her. ", is often the only thing we men are told about seducing women.
The ladder theory
What we men often don't understand is why a woman hangs out with us so often and is so sentimental at the same time when she's not into us ...
After all, we often only do something to a woman when we want something from her, right? Otherwise we prefer to watch football or have a beer with our buddies ...
In order to be able to understand that, I present you the Ladder theory in front.
Men have a ladder (= scale) on which they judge women according to their appearance:
The higher a woman sits on this imaginary ladder, the more likely we would be to have sex with her. At the lower end there are women whom the man does not find attractive and to whom he therefore pays no attention.
With women, however, something is different: they have two ladders:
A ladder for men with whom they might have sex, and a second ladder (the friendship ladder) for men who use them sees only as friends.
The higher a man on the Friendship leader is, the more intimate and emotional they are with him because they are him as a very good friend see…
Chances are, as the guy at the top of the friendship ladder, you think you're damn good at the race, but that's not the case!
It is not possible to jump back and forth between the ladders. This is ensured by the gaping hole in between, which leads directly into the underworld.
The only way to get from the friendship ladder to the dignity ladder is to climb down the friendship ladder and slowly climb up to the other.
Are you on the wrong ladder? Sorry bro. I know this sucks.
The simple explanation for this can be found again in our good old friend (or enemy, however you want to see it) der evolution.
The Stone Age man wanted to fertilize as many women as possible to spread his DNA. That made every woman a potential target for him.
It was different with the Stone Age woman. Since she had to look after her child after nine months of pregnancy, one man per decade was enough.
All other men are uninteresting as sex / reproductive partners at this time. They see her as a tribesman who offers her additional protection and support.
5 reasons why you are in the friend zone
There are some things that you are doing wrong (without even realizing it) that result in you being in the Friendzone land.
# 1: You don't flirt with her
There are two essential parts of attraction: connection and positive emotional and sexual tension.
These have to be in balance to make sure she thinks you are great. Obviously, when it comes to connection, you're already a hero. Chapeau! Now all you have to do is do one Master of Emotional Tension become.
Our coach Daan always says:
"You have to let her feel every emotion except boredom"
A woman has a wide range of emotions that she can and wants to feel. Emotions are their elixir of life. Without emotions she feels empty, with she feels alive.
But how do you trigger emotions in her?
Exactly ... by flirting with her!
You may be wondering what flirting is or how to flirt. Flirting is nothing more than giving them a gentle smile on your face tease and to challenge.
The old saying "What teases each other loves each other" still applies.
It creates a positive tension between you, which brings you a good bit up the ladder of fucking dignity. The tension may make you feel a little uncomfortable and therefore do everything possible to avoid it. But stop! she is Great!
Examples of teasing and challenging:
- You say you come from Berlin, but I don't think so. You have that Bavarian peasant accent.
- You are really an only child, I'll see that in a moment!
- Are you a lawyer? I hate lawyers. So you save crooks from their jail sentence ... that's how you are.
- The way you look right now, you probably know exactly how cute you are. You can't fool me.
Also, don't be afraid to talk about sex. Women sometimes prefer to talk about this topic more than men. So joke about it or ask about their sexual experiences.
What, you want to find out more ways to flirt with her?
Then check out this article I wrote for you:
7 flirting tips to drive a woman crazy for you
# 2: You are not making physical contact
Make sure you build physical contact. The greater you keep the physical distance between you, the more difficult it will become to touch over time. If you have physical contact with her, FEELS literally more.
Put your hand on her shoulder when you talk to her. Give her a gentle nudge when she teases you. Touch her back when you show her something.
It's all very harmless, but it makes detachment an attraction.
# 3: You don't act like a real man
She wants to feel like a woman around you. And that can only happen if you act like a man.
The number 1 quality that you should display as a man is that you are not afraid to lead.
You are the boss. Without being too tactless, of course.
Don't hesitate if you want to do something. Don't keep asking what she thinks of it. And you don't have to keep asking for their opinion to make a decision.
Take the initiative in all areas that you can imagine.
If you want to do it, write to her, for example: “At 17:00 at Marienplatz. See you soon."
Don't ask for their consent, just assume it. If she can't, you will make up for it.
When you go to a restaurant, you can dictate what you eat. If you go out for a drink together, order for both of you.
It all sounds very inconsiderate to a lot of nice guys out there, but believe me: she thinks it's great!
Finally a real man, he takes them into his reality, instead of her to follow anywhere.
# 4: You're not making your intentions clear
You think that if you stealthily fly under the radar, you won't get a basket and she will ultimately love you?
Come on now think again! It's not about literally telling her that you want to sleep with her, but rather showing her through your actions, your behavior and your flirting that you are into her.
Nothing is more attractive than a man who knows what he wants.
# 5: You are too needy
There is a key difference between WANT and NEED.
If you need them (= are needy), then you radiate that. You do your best to get her to recognize you.
Women have a sixth sense for it. If they feel like you are in need, then you are as unattractive to them as Frankenstein. And then you officially park in the friend zone again.
Here's an example from Austin Powers who knows what he wants but doesn't necessarily need it. And as crazy and unattractive as he is ... she can't help but secretly find him great!
I am nice to you: the nice guy syndrome
In his book "No More Mr. Nice Guy”, Explains Robert Glover that Nice Guys live by three unspoken principles:
- If I do good, others will love me and find me nice. And people I want will want me.
- If I do things for others without asking them first, they will do the same for me.
- If I only do good things, I will have a problem free life.
They have a strong need to receive external validation and avoid conflict. It happens on a subconscious level.
When you see this in yourself, start looking for confirmation in yourself. You don't need any external recognition.
Do I have to be an asshole now? Do i want this?
When I first realized that the nice guy behavior I clung to when I was young wasn't working, I fell into some kind of existential crisis.
At first I refused to say goodbye to my inner nice guy and got angry:
I don't wanna be that bastard or bad boy.
Then better no chicks, I will not trample my values and norms!
But that is the biggest misbelief of all. Only because Bad boys Being successful with women doesn't mean that once we've mastered flirting and being masculine, we have to be like them.
Flirtatious behavior, teasing women and the typical teasing are often seen by Nice Guys as impolite and disrespectful.
But ask yourself the following question:
If a woman loves you to act like this, how can it be disrespectful?
Definitely give it a try and see what happens.
You let a woman feminine and special feel when you treat her like a woman. The clichéd man-woman etiquette only works then and it honors yours inner gentleman only when there is a real man in front of her who knows how to flirt.
Once you've mastered this, you can:
- open the door for her
- pay on the first date
- take off her coat
Or any other arbitrary cliché thing.
If you know how to attract them, then it's all like a cherry on top of the cake that you put on top of it. As long as it comes from a place of strength:
"I am a man and I treat you like a woman."
Instead of a place of weakness and need:
"I admire you and adore you."
How to get out of the friend zone
Ok, you really like her very much, but you are too deep in the friend zone?
First of all, you should slowly show her that you have the qualities I mentioned above.
You must see you as a sexual being see; as a man and not as a runaway friend.
Do you want to know how to become this handsome man who drives women completely crazy? I have recorded the most important techniques for this in this free PDF ...
You will need a crowbar to change their mind. You may even have to flirt with her a little more blatantly than you would with any other woman in order to make her your other self make clear.
One possible consequence is that you will lose her as a good friend, but that is a risk that you should be willing to take.
Another possibility is to break contact with her. Do without them for half a year.
As soon as you see her again, suddenly let your new you see.
Since she hasn't seen you in such a long time, she has to decide again which ladder to put you on and maybe this time you will be the lucky guy she's drawn to.
Good luck bro!
Do you want 23 copy-paste sentences to never have boring conversations again?
23 phrases and 3 techniques that will make you so irresistible that she will go crazy for you?Yes, give me these example sentences!
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