When tests and problems surround you

How your environment influences you

Your environment, i.e. the people with whom you often come into contact, decide who you are and what you will be in the future. Jim Rohn, author and motivational speaker at the time, said, "You're the average of the five people you spend most of your time with." And he's right!

It has been proven that you are influenced by your surroundings to a great extent. This is also called “collective consciousness”. It is an unconscious, psychological basic structure of the human being. We orient ourselves to our environment and adopt behavior and beliefs from it. This works on a large scale (mass hysteria, fashion trends or social values ​​of the culture in which we live) but also on a small scale.

Here is an example.

Do you know the following situation: You go to a family reunion in a positive mood and suddenly find yourself among people who only complain - about their health, society, politics, terror and the weather. Over time, a negativity begins to spread within you and you begin to join the conversations. You also start to complain, complain, and feel sorry for yourself.

Do you know that?

Perhaps you also know the opposite, that in the presence of positive people you become positive yourself. That in the midst of dreamers you begin to dream yourself. That being together with people who consciously shape their lives inspires you for your own life and wants to change something for the better yourself. That you become courageous yourself in the midst of courageous people.

Do you know that too?

Your environment influences you significantly. Depending on the people you surround yourself with, they can block or support you in leading a positive and fulfilling life.

But how do you know in which environment you are moving?

Of course, we humans are not always all good and not always bad, and it's not about just surrounding yourself with people who never complain about anything or who never spend an evening on the couch. Rather, it is about the basic mood of the people with whom you surround yourself and which everyone carries within themselves. The mindset he chooses - and it can be more positive or more negative, more supportive or more of a hindrance, more enriching and motivating or more stressful and depressing.

How you can recognize people who are not doing you good

People who are not good for you trigger an uneasy or heavy feeling in you. Specifically, these people can have the following attitudes or behaviors:

  • They don't want change.
  • They complain a lot.
  • They look for the problem in their life and talk about it.
  • They look for the problem in your life and make you aware of it.
  • They find the bad in everything that is good.
  • They talk you out of your dreams.
  • They make you small and criticize you.
  • They bore you.
  • They demotivate you.
  • They depress you.
  • They rob you of strength.
  • You feel like they're stealing your time.

How you can recognize people who are good for you

People who do you good make you feel good or light in comparison. Specifically, these can be people with the following characteristics or behaviors:

  • You work towards a self-determined and happy life.
  • You have personal responsibility.
  • You think solution-oriented.
  • They talk about the good.
  • You don't see problems, you see challenges.
  • They are looking for solutions rather than a culprit.
  • They support you on your way.
  • They support you in your vision.
  • If they don't agree with you, they'll make you think instead of directly talking you out of something.
  • They inspire you.
  • They motivate you.
  • They make you feel good.
  • They give you strength.
  • They enrich you.
  • You find the time with them valuable.

Before we take a look at your personal environment, I have one more question for you:

Do you want to grow personally?

Because maybe you don't care what environment you are in and it is only important to you that you have a functioning environment that accepts you and in which you feel accepted. That's perfectly fine. Then your goal is probably not your personal growth. But if you are interested in your personal growth, then the question of who is in your environment is of great relevance, because your environment is a decisive factor for your growth.

If you want to develop yourself further in life, you need people around you who also want to develop further or people who are already who you want to be or who are doing what you want to do. People you can learn from. People who inspire, motivate and support you to become the person you want to be.

In which environment do you move?

Now let's take a look at your own life. What is your private and professional environment like? What people are there - those who give you strength or those who take away your strength?

If you are unsure whether the people around you are doing you good or not, the following exercise can help you with the answer. To do this, write down the names of the people with whom you spend most of the time (both professionally and privately) on a piece of paper. Take a quiet look at the relationships with these people individually and ask yourself:

  • How did this relationship come about?
  • What does this relationship give you?
  • What qualities do you associate with this person?
  • How do you feel around this person?
  • What topics are you talking about?
  • How do you feel after meeting this person?
  • Would you be missing something if that person was no longer in your life?

Connect with your heart and try to leave your mind out - not judging anything and not thinking about possible consequences. First of all, it is about unmasking the people who are good for you and those who are not good for you - and that shows you how you feel.

Did you finish the task?

Have you been honest with yourself

Have you exposed people who are not doing you any good at all? Have you unmasked a whole environment that is not good for you - for example the environment in which you work? Have you exposed people who are very good for you?

Help, I am in an environment that is not good for me!

Of course, if you are in an environment that you have found to be a hindrance to your development, you can strive to change it.

  • You just couldn't get involved in the negative issues anymore.
  • You could bring up other, positive topics.
  • You could make those around you aware of their negative point of view.
  • You could train her eye for the positive.
  • You could encourage them to move from the victim role to the creator role.

If you succeed in this and your environment is ready for an inner process of change, then you have achieved a great deal - both for the individual people in your environment and for your personal growth. However, many people are stuck in their victim attitude and their mode of suffering. You can tell when you draw attention to something positive and they are not interested in the topic or perspective for long. A short time later everything revolves around the negative in the world and in your life.

Most people don't want to be taught either. Transformation always comes from within. A caterpillar only becomes a butterfly because it changes inside. If you want to influence your environment from the outside to become positive, you will only succeed if you decide on an inner process of change.

Therefore, ask yourself whether it is worthwhile to want to change your environment or whether it is not more worthwhile to change your environment after a forgiven effort.

You decide who is allowed to be in your life

It is your own decision which people you give space in your life and how much space you allow them to occupy. If you don't set boundaries, don't consciously choose the people you want to surround yourself with, others decide who can take their place in your life. They place themselves in your living space.

These are, for example, friendships or contacts that “came about like this”, but which are not necessarily very enriching for you.

Do you have such relationships?

There are many people who are nice - no question about it - but who has time to meet all the nice people?

If you live under control, others decide for you who is allowed to be with you. If you live independently, you decide for yourself who can be close to you.

How many people do you think have given up their dreams because they are in an environment that has talked them out of their dreams?

How many people do you think are satisfied with the status quo because they move in an environment that does not believe in a fulfilled and self-determined life?

How many people do you think are dissatisfied because they live in an environment that constantly complains and focuses on the negative in the world?

"You are the average of the five people you spend most of your time with."

Make a conscious decision about your environment.

Spend more time with the people who are good for you. Extend your antenna and be open to new contacts, to people you miss in your environment. Go on a search and connect with those who have similar goals or attitudes to life as you.

Spend less time with the people who are not doing you good. You may even want to directly separate yourself from some people or an entire environment that is not good for you at all.

Breaking away from people can be difficult, can be tough and uncomfortable, but it's about your life. If there are people who you feel are blocking, keeping you down, suppressing or negatively influencing you and you want to break away from them, then take this step.

Create space for the people who give you strength, who enrich you and support you in leading a happy and fulfilling life.

Isn't that value priceless?


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I work as a life coach and help highly sensitive people to accept themselves, to perceive their inner voice and their own needs again and to live in solidarity with themselves. So that, through a strong sense of self-worth and the ability to take good care of yourself, you can finally feel calm, strength and lightness again.

Categories self-careTags friendship, separation, environment