Jokes about chamaeleons and how to take

Anti jokes

The so-called Anti jokes are a relatively modern appearance and use several stylistic devices that do not appear in "classic jokes":
A denial of the punch line, a non-deducible statement about the outside world, a logical break within the joke or quite simply: drifting into silly things.
In this respect, anti-jokes cannot simply be with bad jokes be compared.

Good anti-jokes

If you brake later, you drive faster longer.

Chickens do not hatch from unlaid eggs.

One tree to another: let's go, otherwise we will still put down roots.

If two scrambled eggs meet, one thing says: "I'm confused today."

What's brown and sitting in jail? - A chestnut!

What is purple and is at the front of the church? - A fromberry!

What's white and rolling up the mountain? - A homesick avalanche.

When snails are eaten, they are thrilled.

Fun turned serious. Ernst is now 3 years old.

In the evening, it is expected that it will be dark.

How do you get four elephants into a small car? Two in front, two in the back.

The pink elephant is now also available in yellow, blue and green.

Peter has a castle. so it is Peter's castle.

Why shouldn't you go into the jungle after 10 p.m.?
Because then the elephants practice skydiving.
And why do crocodiles have such flat mouths?
Because they were in the jungle after 10 p.m.!

The punctuality in our company is amazing since there are only 80 parking spaces for 100 employees.

What is the male definition of a romantic evening? - sex.

The darkness is real, but the light only shines that way.

How do you recognize that two elephants are sitting in the fridge?
There are two footprints in the butter.
How do you recognize that three elephants are sitting in the fridge?
The door doesn't close.
How do you recognize that four elephants are sitting in the fridge?
There is a VW Beetle in front of the house.

A little kitten goes to the bar. Asks the landlord:
"A glass of milk as usual?"
"No, today it's supposed to be a hard whiskey," replies the kitten.
"Why a whiskey?" replies the bartender, puzzled. Then the kitten:
"Well, I just want to wake up with a hangover in the morning ..."

Wrong drivers are the last individualists.

"Where is the gentleman who was run over by the steamroller?" "Rooms 7 to 24."

“You, I was at Alexander's funeral. He was probably not very popular. I was the only one who clapped. "

A UFO flies through the desert at several times the speed of light. Suddenly a tire bursts.

Wrong drivers are very accommodating.

Is this comment funny?
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Pick something.

A man comes to the bakery and says: "I would like 99 rolls." Says the baker's wife: "Why don't you take a hundred?" Says the man: "For God's sake! Who should eat them all?"

Two snails crawl across the street. One of them says: "Have you already written your will?"

Man to the baker: "I would like 30 rolls." Baker: "If you take 40, the bag will burst."

A ball rolls around the corner and falls over. What is she doing? Get up and move on.

Two parallels meet

Two mushrooms in the forest: one asks: "How are you?" Says the other: shut up, mushrooms can't talk! "

Two officers meet in the hallway: "Can't you sleep either?"

Some people sleep up; others threaten it.

The central question of David Guterson's novel "Snow that falls on cedars" is (according to Sohlmann): "Hatsue or has not?"

People used to be closer! - You had no other choice in terms of the range of the weapons at that time.

Madness increases, reason remains slim.

"I'm fat - and can lose weight" "You are stupid - and what can you do?"

The way is blocked ...
it was created by those who are dead ...
and the dead ... hold him!

The way is blocked!

"For months I wondered where my wife spends the evenings."
"And then?"
"I went home one evening and there she was."

What is white and what bothers you while eating? - An avalanche!

What happens to a red stone that falls into the Black Sea? - He's getting wet.

A man goes to the doctor: "Doctor, doctor, everyone thinks I'm a watch!
Says the doctor: "Oh, they just want to tease them!"

Do you know what the inside of a Viagra pill looks like? - no - Oh, do you always take a whole one?

Why do all roundabouts in Poland have such a large radius? - So that you can also drive nicely with the steering wheel lock.

What is a man on a tree - One man less on earth.
And what are two men in a tree? - One more man on a tree.

One eye to one leg: "I'll go then." - The leg: "Well, I want to see that."

Scold like a gentleman: "She's kidding!"

In the jungle you will meet a lion and a jaguar. You got a shot in your gun. What do you do? Shoot the lion and drive away with the jaguar.

Why are bees buzzing? Because they forgot the text!

If a cuckoo flies over the sea, he'll see a shark.
Says the cuckoo: "Hai!"
Says the shark: "Cuckoo!"

Kiss me and I'll be yours forever! - Thanks for the warning.

Puff mother sells her parrot to general manager. Party in the evening. Parrot finally says: "I know you, I know you, but the hookers are all new here."

What is it: can swim and starts with Z? - Two ducks

Three in one office and one working? Two officers and a fan!

That was difficult: reading through the first 50 anti-jokes one by one. Here comes the second half of the best anti jokes:

Anti jokes for advanced users

Question: What does an East Frisian police officer who has won a million in the lottery do?
Answer: He buys a crossbreed and goes into business for himself.

What does a German do when he has won the World Cup? - He turns off the PS2 and goes to bed.

What is white and what is flying up? A disabled snowflake

If 2 cigarettes go for a walk, one of them starts smoking.

Says one milk to another: "Hello!" - Answers the other: "Not now, I'm angry!"

Old sailors wisdom: Better to drink than sit around!

N Turks, n Arabs and n Italians sit in the car. Who's Driving? - The police ...

What is the smallest farm in the world? A police car: the cops sit in the front and the poor pigs in the back.

Who are the nicest people in the world? - The Turks. They always come with 3 people and ask if you have a problem.

How do you split an atom? - You give it to a woman and tell her not to break it!

I'm against it. What did I just say? What I care about my talk of just! I'm for it, I'll say "yes"!

Two pickpockets meet: "How are you?" - "How do you take it ..."

Two lawyers meet. The first asks: “How are you?” - The second asks: “Bad! I can not complain ..."

Two tensioners meet: "What are you doing tonight?" - The other: "Let's see."

What's a biscuit under the tree? a shady spot.

What does a Dutchman do when the Netherlands have become world champions? - He turns off the Playstation.

What's a white between two blacks? - A milk bar.

Please also note the back of this posting.

"Mr. Müller, what do you attribute your contact difficulties to?" the psychiatrist asks the patient. - "You should find out, you stupid wanker."

The judge to the blond witness: "What's your name?" "Marie-Luise-Anne-Kathrin Schneider." - "Hm ... and how do you call them?" "Come here, slut!"

If two lightbulbs meet: "You, where were you last Sunday? We turned something off ?! -" Yes, just! "

Football conversation: You, who is playing tonight? - Austria-Hungary. - Aha ... and against whom ???

Two men meet. One of them says: "Hello!" Says the other: "So what?

2 clairvoyants meet. One of them says: "Are you coming with me?" Does the other say: "No, I've already been there!"

Two mountains meet. Says one to the other: "Man, you are sharp!"

A blind hen comes into the bar. - Nen 'Korn please.

What does a peach do when it comes to a screeching halt? - Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitsch!

How do you turn a woman on? In the bar:
Sit next to the lady, put ice cubes on the counter, hit them and say: "The ice between us is broken."

During the interview: "I brought my hair dryer to melt the ice * wink *." - "We'll get in touch!"

What do you do with a dog without legs? - You go around the houses with him.

How do you castrate a refrigerator? - Open the door, get the eggs out, close the door.

A cowboy goes to the barber shop. - Comes out again: Is his pony gone ...

Why are the German automotive groups not building automobiles in 2008? - Because 2008 is an SWITCH year!

What happens if you've laughed half-dead twice?

Why do people immediately believe you when you tell them there are 400 billion stars in the sky, but when you tell them that the bank is freshly painted, then they have to mess on it?

A woman walks past the shoe shop.

Two corpses fight for their lives.

What do you call a black guy who flies a plane? Pilot, you racist!

Question: Do we have too many foreigners in Germany?
18%: yes.
3%: No.
79%: معهد الأمن العالمي بواشنطن

I tried to call Spiderman earlier, but he didn't have a network

Called Weight Watchers earlier. Nobody answered.

What does a clown do in the office? - Fax

Page 17 .... I ran around the Christmas tree with the drum chuckling.

Meet 2 raisins. One of them has a headlamp on.
One thinks: "Why do you have a lamp on your head?"
The other says: "I still have to go into the tunnel!"

There was a break-in at Adidas. The police sent three strips.

Traffic announcement: The danger on the A2 is averted. The wrong-way driver was so accommodating to leave the autobahn again.

If 2 meet, only one comes.

If two go side by side, one of them says: "Let me in the middle."

If someone goes around the corner, he's gone

Why do French tanks have a rearview mirror? - So that the soldiers can see something from the front.

Better to go home full than go empty.

Whoever lives longer is less dead.

I can't remember forgetting anything.

I used to be undecided, now I'm not so sure anymore.

What is white and what is behind the tree? - A shy milk.

What is the difference between a naturopath and a Pole? - The Pole knows what's wrong with you.

Why does the Navy only hire non-swimmers? - They defend the ship longer.

Two blind people meet: "Long time no see!"

At night it is colder than outside.

Only the tough get into the garden.

If a bunch of cucumbers is jumping through the forest, what's wrong with that? Cucumbers are not pack animals!

What is the opposite of 'spring awakening'? Fall asleep late!

What is yellow and can not swim? An excavator!
And why not? Because he only has one arm!

What's a rabbit without a carrot? - hungry!

If a UFO flies through the desert ... Flashes left ... drives right!

"Have you choked up?" - "Nope, ... I'm still there?"

Why don't mice drink alcohol? - Because they're afraid of the hangover.

There is a manta in front of the university.

"I haven't slept for days now" - "Aren't you totally exhausted?" - "No, I sleep well at night."

If two lunatics run across the railroad tracks, one of them says: "I'm so hungry, I bite the rails." - Says the other: "Wait up there in front, there is a switch."

Customer at the butcher: "I would like 200 grams of liver sausage, but the coarse, fat one."
Metzger: "I'm sorry, unfortunately she has vocational school this week."

Says the exclamation mark to the question mark: "You have a kink!"

There are only two things I hate: people who can't count!

A street musician in Manhattan. A passerby asks: "How do I get to Carnegie Hall, please?" "Practice, man, practice a lot!"