Jump forward when you shoot a 3-pointer

The verse for the week: patio heater poisoning

For four years, Urs Bühler's “Rhymes” formed the end of the NZZ's Zurich newsletter week after week. Now he is continuing his verses on what is happening in the city and region seamlessly on NZZ online: a new rhyme appears every Saturday.

Illustration: Philipp Meier

October 24 - patio heater poisoning

Zurich hosts are now allowed to camp
and pay zero fee for it:
The city council graciously accepts it.
This is how guests dine in front of the door
and still not in the rain.

The only question is how to keep warm.
The patio heater, it is said, is not good for you,
and if the choice falls on some charm,
you'd rather stir up real embers:
a fireplace? Too daring.

All of this seems impractical -
ten raclette ovens are needed
Fondue is also very warm.
Then it is flambéed. A sea of ​​flames!
Who is calling the fire service colleagues?

October 17th - Indian summer, despite everything

The word "woman", you good child,
you shouldn't know that anymore.
And you know old people are
To call seniors today.

Do you see the sun glowing brightly?
gleam in the gold of autumn,
but then want to continue
Indian summer is hot!

October 10th - No more salsa

The salsa dance is tight and hot
the blood flows, the sweat drips,
Belly close to your stomach, and everyone knows:
That may turn out to be enjoyable
but regarding keeping a distance
unfortunately there are a few pitfalls.

Because it is part of the salsa high
especially the partner swap -
that's why it's going to be in Bausch in Zurich
and bows publicly prohibited.
So now you dance on quiet paws
stop polonaise: belly to back.

October 3rd - autumn blues with Güx

I'm sitting in front of a glass of gin
and get melancholy.
And if the gin wasn't there soon
I'd probably be alcoholic.

Oh, everything changes, nothing goes away
the bush and trees are discolored.
The wind gets lost when it blows
and chase disheveled dreams.

The cloud is hanging and everyone knows:
She too has to move on.
The summer? It was plump and hot
but it was only borrowed.

September 26th - Sport at the polls

Oh, Zurich and its stadium,
it is like once in Babylon:
What a tangle of voices!
It's about towers, gates, money
and as so often in this world,
someone wants to climb the podium.

So now the people have the say
for the fourth time: the word on sport.
It will feed the urns.
What do you think football thinks about that?
The man who directs its trajectory
thinks for yourself. How far? It will show.

Illustration: Philipp Meier

September 19 - climate sinners

The summer? Oh, i don't know
the heat makes me sick.
The autumn? Well, I don't like that
the fog swallows the sunlight.

The winter? Mostly it's me
then soon too dark and too cold.
The spring? Well, there it sprouts on me
too unbridled in front of the door!

To derive it in a nutshell:
You don't have to deal with the seasons.
Man does not curses them too narrowly
and creates them - climate sinners! - from.

September 12th - Kei shot

It's in Zurich's Albisgüetli
nomalerwiis ja zimli gmüetli.
A äim Septemberwuchenänd
tüend s but i de Schützeschtänd
constantly braces cartridge heads:
Lönd s smoke, rattere and chops.

But if you have it calm, you will now enjoy it:
There is no canna gunfire in the year.
E Minichilbi hat it, suscht nothin!
It's hot for me, that's why the Lüüt is loosing itself
the last Badi-Tag na gfalle -
and the Sunne uf de Ruggä pops.

September 5th - Summer again

Now summer is on the brink
for the last time he will take courage:
Once more he lays a shovel
outdoors and stirs up the embers.

One more time you get out of your pants
and in the temperate lake:
The swell massages the toe,
the sunlight gives alms.

But it gets chilly at night, and you'll soon feel it scratching
in your throat and you know: autumn is near.
He sneaks up on quiet paws,
but then it cracks - and it's there.

August 29th - Compulsory wrapping

So it now also applies to shopping
in Zurich the obligation to veil:
The little stuff stays on the face.
'Cause to stop the virus now
Even the most beautiful smile doesn't help.

The lady at the cash register grumbles:
"Close the flap and open the mask!"
And one complains: "It takes my breath away!"
meanwhile he's fiddling with the mask.
So fate takes its course.

August 22nd - false prognoses

Will it be hotter tomorrow? Is the rain coming?
As a layman, you just don't know.
That's why - and for some it's a blessing -
yes a weather (pre) report.
So also in these weeks.

It just seems to be on the forecasts at the moment
not very reliable.
Some things go in the pants,
an evening is worryingly wet:
It wasn't promised like that!

With homemade farmer rules
maybe you are better off:
There are barbecues, hiking, sailing
even in the water now and then.
But you did it yourself.

Chronology of the verses:

August 15 - summer slump

Welcome deep in the summer slump:
Crept out of this hot cave
quite a few newspaper ducks.
Gossip and gossip go a long way
because in the sour cucumber time,
relevance retires.

Because it can't go on like this
everyday life will soon start again,
political and so on.
Then the hustle and bustle of our city fills
our sheet almost by itself.
Greetings: you typists!

August 8th - Stayed here!

Whether Jungfraujoch, whether Lake Geneva,
Zermatt, Ticino, Graubünden:
Anyone who is on vacation should now per se
Explore your own country.
And at most our dreams flow
into the sea of ​​the wide world.

So that's how you get on the train
maybe get behind the wheel
and now does not need a passport or a flight.
The hotel is expensive,
but in the evening you roast by the fire
and saves a lot of money.

But in Zurich, momoll!
some just circling:
«If I am to stay in the country,
I don't need to travel either.
Lots of summer at great prices
I'll get an order here too! "

August 1st - The kiss of Helvetia

As is well known, increases with August
the general desire to celebrate:
In Zurich and throughout the booth
one cheers the fatherland
with timpani and rockets.

With pleasure also with Rütli oath
and Swiss psalm and flags, only:
It is well known that this year is
almost nothing as it used to be -
so also at these fetuses.

The big ones have already been canceled
the speeches adjourned at best.
But Krethi and also Plethi, yes!
embrace Helvetia tightly.
Can that be represented?

July 23 - Art comes from fighting

A sparrow is singing outside my window
then the neighbor yells: "Heb dä bib!"
The bird continues to trill
and the whole street is cheerful.

Except for the neighbor who decides
to shoot loud sparrows:
Get the cannon out of the box.
There is a crash in the danger zone.

Then he stops, the shooter.
The street holds its breath.
And our sparrow? Stay lively upstairs
and sing! He has to be praised for it.

What do we learn from the poem?
Whether you sponsor them or not:
The art does not let itself get down.
Especially not when the bullets fly.

July 16 - Farewell in the Zurich newsletter

Four years: around four hundred verses
rhymed, shaken and stirred.
Sometimes it seemed like it was a
Tipsy man who wields the pen
(then the ink flowed bluer).

Thanks go to the subscribers,
who swallowed every rhyme without complaint
(in contrast to newspaper ducks,
which are printed every now and then)
and all sorts of puns.

Now the algorithm takes over
the steering wheel: pretty much every day
he sends news and what has to be with him.
Maybe he doesn't like poetry
but surely he is smarter.

July 9th - ready for vacation

Life is dear to us
but sometimes not entirely sure:
It is teeming with dangers!
They seem to be lurking everywhere
in the tram, at the desk, behind walls,
in the dark as in the clear.

Whether a super spreader is coughing
blows viruses down your neck?
Oh, it's just bacteria. . .
Stop looking around
otherwise fear will suffocate you.
Relax - and have a great vacation!

July 2nd - masquerade ball

No Böögg, no festival, no shooting king:
There is little left for the people of Zurich this year
in the sense of a celebration.
The Guggen went out early,
ravers swallow their toads too.
What's next? God knows!

Now the Federal Council has mercy
and send us a warm one
Appeal. You have to submit:
As of Monday, not unexpectedly,
the big masked ball started,
in all trams and trains.

June 25th - heated debate

So now summer is here
scorches our brains and thoughts,
rises in the head that wants for it
sink deep into the water.

The heat is blooming, the grill grate is glowing,
the Zurich women yawn,
and some people want to be premature
already imagine during the holidays.

How one also respires and perspires,
everyday life goes on:
There is even more heated debate
surely not smarter.

June 18 - Pro mouthguard

A mask is currently required,
for example with the Basques. Not
in Zurich, however, so show
lips free in trams and buses.
But hardly a smile or a kiss
tends to rise from this.

A mouth that betrays lust for life
is almost a rarity here.
So I will now dare to suggest:
You should with the noble aim
before the dreary facial expression
to protect, wear a face mask!

June 11th - free wet for everyone

As is well known, in the open-air swimming pool
man bathe in the open air.
He splashes happily and flushes away the sweat
of shoulders, stomach and calves:
Most like that.

It's very popular in Zurich,
to swim in river and lake -
which now gives hope to the left
for free votes:
You are asking for free wet.

Not only the communist sees that
already created in the name:
Because the free beer is free
it’s also the outdoor pool. Amen.
It's too blatant for freedom.

June 4th - Long necked quarantine

You are in quarantine
completed earlier.
And your straight mane
was neatly coiffed,
when hairdressing scissors rested.

Now sunbathe, you giraffes,
the city in your splendor,
the curmudgeon holds out his arms
before your elegance.
Welcome here, you guys!

The people of Zurich are unspeakable
In love with you like never before:
You wear your head every day
even higher than she -
rightly so, as we suspect.

May 28th - infidelity soul

My Zurich, I would never be you
leave with skin and hair!
My heart beats forever
for you and your alleys:
I fell for you.

But my loyalty - you forgive -
can't just circle around you.
As you probably know, one may
now finally travel again.
I've been here for so long!

I'll take the train, but not to Vienna
to the city ranking leader.
I'm drawn to lovely Ticino:
It calls. But I'll come again
to you, to the home district.

May 21st - No kissing

It was sitting on a meadow in Zurich
a couple, according to the motto,
that one is close. Well the two
they remained chaste, free from kisses -
and should have known better.
Then the police came over.

There was quite a bit of nagging:
the distance rule, the two meters!
The ticket was taken out.
But at least, officials made it
it is not to arrest the two -
because that never works from a distance.

May 14th - world standstill

Now everyday life is gently returning
with the well-known mills.
Is it bad luck, is it lucky?
We sit between chairs
and don't really know.

As beautiful as it is, the fresh swing
at counters, pub tables:
The memory knocks too
in the memory niches
like a sedated woodpecker.

The flow of thoughts guides us
on these nights, days
for which people also have to thank:
One should not only complain
when some things rest once.

Sometimes the world stood almost still
so it seemed in these weeks.
The pointers are, if you will,
crept even slower.
And sometimes that's good.

May 7th - bickering and shouting

“Open!” Is what many are now demanding.
“Close!” Bark others.
One calls: "Run!", The other: "Ruhn!"
Wander in thought
me on a beach.

The bickering and screaming
about the choice of means
so it holds up even in May,
under the same title
and across the country.

People, smooth your forehead,
trims the lion's mane,
vent your brain once
after the quarantine!
Just: Don't reach out.

April 30th - Homework Day

April, April, your farewell is approaching
there wasn't much to laugh about.
Here we stand before your seed,
so helpless and wordless, in fact:
You were a real dragon.

Get out of here now. May is near
brings a fresh name:
The first is now called stop, well,
home work day, and there
stay at home. Amen.

April 23rd - The sun scorns

The sun shines and laughs at you,
soon the lake invites you to swim
the animal world lives in frenzy -
and you sigh at home: "What a shame."
Fortunately, there is chocolate
(if you can, on the balcony).

The best weather - in April!
You wave to him quietly at the window
as the regulations want it to be,
and you'll soon see ghosts.
The spring? For some, it borders
currently a mockery.

You usually stay at home now,
so as not to meet anyone.
In May you can go out again.
Then it will rain for four weeks.

April 16 - Everything is canceled

In Zurich it's Sechseläuten
with vain cocks, real brides
a fixed point in the annual cycle,
because, after all, every child here knows:
As soon as the Böögg's head is blown away,
spring is finally announced.

The sooner it lifts its hat
his little pipe leaps through the air,
the better the summer gets
well then, so come on!

It's just down here this year
different from all others:
Pretty much everything falls out
from the opera ball to the traffic jams,
from children's parades to bang,
luckily followed by Winter's fall.

All that is missing, a hard cut,
one also empathizes with the guilds
and stammer, half dazed:
The summer? Long come!

April 9 - In the subjunctive

We deliver here before Good Friday
the finely rhymed contribution.
So this time we bathe at Easter
the sweet flat cakes in the toasters,
in which we ourselves chicks in a pinch
and brightly painted eggs
before we wildly cut the lawn,
on which the hares graze so gently.

Oh, what we wouldn't do
if the poets asked us
just for the sake of euphoria:
to satisfy hunger for rhyme!
But the whole thing is boldly pushed forward
Thursday and turns green.
So breathe deeply, very firmly and deeply:
It just stays with the subjunctive!

April 2nd - Theft of the hour

The thief came by on Sunday
on pretty quiet feet,
got at two in the middle of the night
stolen from us from behind,
then disappeared without a trace.

We didn't notice anything and slept deeply,
until us at ten, as usual,
the good church bell called:
That made us sad
the look at our watch.

It showed nine! We realized:
We are missing an hour!
Whoever took it, verily:
In autumn, so goes the customer,
he brings them back to us.

March 26th - The Koller

I would love to be in the restaurant
and then in a bar!
The cinema wasn't far from me either,
it's dark there, but
dance a thousand pictures.

They're dancing on my wall now
Thanks to the projector,
and suppliers lend a hand
to refuel with curries,
sometimes hotter and sometimes milder.

All of this is safe to endure
maybe for a couple of weeks.
But at some point it comes in the house
the Koller crawled up
and makes us wild and wilder.

March 19 - In the wrong movie

Home office? Custody? Quarantine?
Wherever I think I am now:
I'm in the wrong movie and play!
The world stands still and turns and turns
but always faster. It goes without saying
that soon I will no longer tick properly.

My mind elicits tenacious rhymes
the foot of the foot stinks, but its germs
are not (yet) viral.
I lie in the hammock
a glass of wine wraps me in cotton wool,
the sun is smiling quite normally.

March 12th - Completely germ-free

One word dictates at this time
the fat headlines far and wide.
One knows, however, the poetry
germinates freely and better never bend
thematic dictations.

This is how these rhymes stay
completely germ-free, without noise and smoke.
Sit back and take a breath
and from. Very deep. The air is pure.
Fortunately, it comes in installments.

March 5th - Nasty Viruses

Welcome to me dear March
allow me to sing:
Did you come, my heart beats,
the pulse makes leaps for joy.

The wishes I have for you
are really very modest:
Wipe out all the mistakes that have been
help avoid future ones!

Sow silent harmony in the world,
let summer birds dance
and pave as we please,
the streets with romances.

Meanwhile the sun beckons and laughs,
should you massage us gently.
And if there is no effort:
Drive out the bad viruses!

February 27th - The good old flu

Corona here, Corona there
soon I feel surrounded.
The head is heavy, the fever is close,
and the doorbell rings
probably the ambulance soon.

I am afraid that - it is already starting! -
I'll be in a coma soon.
The doctor comes and says: "It's just
the good old flu. "
Where is the dance of joy?

February 20th - Much too early

The crocus is already blooming - much too early!
It pinches the first tick,
you dance on the lawn in a tutu
instead of on a white blanket.

Oh february you're too warm
the sparrows have long been whistling
from the roof. Indeed, your charm works
easily overheated, my darling.

So send us some snow
for our winter clothes.
You can now, please, understand
don't go on spring break!

February 13 - Two storms

After Petra came Sabine,
she looked lousy
too bad game:
She was in a bad mood.
And blew - listen and be amazed -
away as she liked.

Two storms in two weeks:
many a tree broken
and many a heart too.
Makes so much woman power
the men a little smarter?
Maybe. But now it's calm.

«Gereimtheiten» and the Zurich newsletter

currently For over four years, the Zurich editor Urs Bühler has been pouring the daily news into rhymes every week. His verse for the week formed the end of the NZZ's Zurich newsletter, illustrated by the features editor Philipp Meier. A selection was published under the title “Zürcher Gedrechseltes” in 2018 by NZZ-Libro-Verlag (including Meier's drawings). The Zurich newsletter has been published in a new form since July 20 (to subscribe at www.abo.nzz.ch/newsletter). Urs Bühler's “Gereimtheiten” has since appeared weekly on nzz.ch and on the NZZ's social media channels.