What can I not resist you

I can't resist it or why does it always have to be a ... ???

I have a really nasty problem that doesn't let me sleep ... This problem is about 6 feet tall, has a body like Adonis and looks like an improved copy of James Dean. (he was a model for, among others, D&G)

I'm 26, very slim, blonde and now not exactly ugly either. You can call me pretty, but I don't look like a model ...

Well, the problem is that Mr. Dean asked me out on a date and I got involved too. Multiple. We also kissed once and it was just WOW!

We have been writing to each other almost every day since then and we also meet constantly. And I can't think of anything else to do with him! I just think he's so damn sexy, his physical charisma is awesome and his mouth ... OMG! I feel so stupid ...

The problem now is: I don't WANT to give in to him! He's such a big ... characteristically ... That just doesn't work! He's a son by profession, spends his days like a dandy and only does what he feels like doing. He's very intelligent, sadly that too ... but he's just so terribly show-off and arrogant!

He's probably always dragging someone away and just hanging around with me and I'll fall for him too ... But I can't help it! I just want it, if only once! But I don't want to give in to this request, because I think after that I would feel absolutely shoddy ... Used and just one of many. He just wants to get me to bed. I'm a game for him, nothing more!

Then why can't I just keep my hands off him? Why do I give him so much confirmation and why, why can't I give up hope that he can be a nice, nice, personable person after all?

He already has a lot of self-irony. he knows how arrogant he looks and that he is a show-off, but he just won't let it. Is it any different then? I hate him for being the way he is ... Sometimes I think he's doing it on purpose. To keep me going Today we had a coffee again and I was just about to get up and leave because he was so ass ... But then a friend of his came by and he talked to her. And suddenly he was completely normal! His tone of voice has changed completely, his voice was suddenly very soft, his movements much more open and friendly ... And at that moment I just felt a pain in me and this nagging fear: How long will it be before I can tell him am completely dilapidated?

Sometimes, when he looks at me, it only happens very seldom (if he doesn't screw up his eyes like Clint Eastwood) then he has a very open, sweet little smile on his face for a moment (he almost never smiles otherwise) and then he would I like to kiss him best ...

What should I do? I'm already completely addicted to it ... I can just lose this fight, it's just a matter of time !!! I'm so panic ... He drives me crazy that I really can't sleep at night ... I just keep thinking about him. And I can't avoid him, I want to see him all the time (In the hope that I can finally make up my mind that he's an ass and can turn my back on him, but it doesn't work !!!! Then he does always a little thing that gives me hope that this is all just a mask ...)

I'm really desperate ...

Please help me! I really can't think clearly anymore ... (And that means a lot for me ... I'm really not like that! And then he's SIX years YOUNGER !!! How crazy can I be?!?!)