What does it mean when happiness is always hiding

What is the impossible love hiding?

Last update: April 25, 2017

Has this happened to you before? Fell in love with someone you couldn't be with? Be it because you had already established a strong bond with another person, because of an extreme age difference, because your feelings were not reciprocated ... Whatever it is, you have experienced impossible love.

It is normal for this to happen at some point, because the unattainable attracts us. And it happens most often during our youth: the typical case of a student falling for their teacher. However, the problem starts when we always fall in love with people we cannot have. In this case it is no longer a question of bad luck, rather we are unconsciously looking for this form of unhappiness.

3 types of impossible love

Spirit love

This consists in idealizing a person and ascribing them to the qualities that we have always sought. It is called a ghost because in reality the person is not what we think. We lie to ourselves and believe that it is exactly how we want it to be. So we fall in love with something that doesn't exist at all.

In psychoanalysis, this is also known as anaclitic love. It means that we choose to love someone because they have exactly the same qualities as someone who influenced us a lot in our childhood and met our needs.

In this case the person concerned will be unhappy and disappointed when they find that the person they love is really not what they thought they were. When she lands both feet on the ground again, she will no longer idealize, but instead see the quirks of the other person, to whom she was initially blind.

Narcissistic love

When we are looking for someone who is like us or has qualities that we would like to have, it is a form of exaggerated selfishness.

Some people are always looking for the ideal person and no one ever seems good enough for them. It's hard to find someone like us because we are unique individuals. Therefore, people who are looking for this type of love usually won't find it.

Difficult love

One speaks of this when it is very difficult to translate love into a concrete relationship. Examples: a teacher and a student, a significant age difference, a patient and a doctor, a single person and a married person. Often this type of love is attractive precisely because it is difficult. And if you reached them, you might lose interestbecause it is often fleeting physical attraction. In other words, it's more about passion than emotions.

Impossible love makes us unhappy - but how can we choose better?

These three types of love could be called impossible love because they often lead to conflict. The first because sooner or later we will be disappointed when we find that the person does not match our ideal. The second, because we'll never find anyone just like us. And the third because it is very difficult to achieve, and if it were, it probably wouldn't work in the long run.

According to psychoanalysis, when we fall in love with impossible people, it is because of an unresolved Oedipus complex: in our early childhood we fall in love with our mother or father, knowing that this is not right. Depending on how this situation was resolved and how our parents dealt with it, we could forever fall into the pattern of falling in love with people we can't have.

The first question we have to ask is why are we drawn to people we can't have? Are we afraid of tight ties and avoid them by fixating on an impossible love? There are people for whom it is stress, fear and danger to start a relationship. By focusing on an impossible love, they enjoy the idyll of love and still feel safe as there is no possibility for a relationship.

Another question to ask in order to get to the root of the problem is, trying to fill a void that has existed since childhood. For example, if we had a strict mother who didn't value us, we subconsciously seek out someone we can't have to relive that part of our childhood and make it this time, their attention or something emotional that we missed , to get.

The most important thing is to find out why we don't care about people who are easier to reach. The most common reason for this is that we are not ready for a relationship because of our insecurities and fears, because relationships are not a rose petal-lined path. They bring a high level of commitment and responsibility. By falling in love with people we can't have, we enjoy the feelings, release adrenaline, we dream, and we are content to fool ourselves for a while. But inside we feel panic that the other person might feel the same, because idyllic love is beautiful, but Looking reality in the eye scares us.

Work on yourself first and then find a partner

If you are not satisfied with yourself, then you are not ready to be with another person. These conflicts with themselves are often the reason why many people are not aware that they always have problems with a love that cannot be realized. Who does not know a person who has never had a stable relationship and lives in a world full of impossible hope and ideals? If we look closely and analyze, we will surely see that this person has personal problems.

It would be best to work on our self-esteem and self-acceptance. When we first feel good in our own skin, love ourselves, accept each other with all our flaws, then we are ready to enter into a romantic relationship and will surely select better candidates with whom we may even spend our lives.

Images courtesy of Pink Sherbet Photograph